So, if I’ve failed to express to you just how ungraceful I am, let me stress to you that I am quite possibly the most ungraceful person in the world. When my love Loop Looks asked if I would be interested in going to trapeze class with her I jumped at the chance! SURE, I said, thinking it would be a brilliant plan, that I would love it, and be obsessed with trapezing from the start.
You see, I consider myself somewhat of a free spirit. I don’t like to plan, I prefer to just go with the flow, I’m normally down for whatever and will try mostly anything once so I thought, hey why not try trapeze.
So I did.
And I was awful.
Much, much MUCH more awful than I ever could have imagined. I’m not scared of heights, but the second I got on the ladder to climb up, my body froze- actually my body started shaking uncontrollably. When I got up to the top and was told to let go and just hold onto the bar while a staff member held onto my harness I looked at them and said ‘you want me to do what?”
For some reason, the way my mind AND body reacted was ‘ you’re putting your life in someone else’s hands, ” which did not sit well with me. When it comes to my body, I’m quite the control freak. I don’t like to feel out of control, hence the reason I love to drink but don’t ever really get drunk, I don’t do drugs and I typically don’t like to be in situations where I can’t control my body- which is exactly what trapeze is.
The very first move we were supposed to do was to lock our legs on the bar, and let go with our hands-completely hanging upside down by our legs. I was the only person in the class (which included children) that just could not let go. Finally, one of the staff members completely (they had control of our harness) stopped my movement while I was up on the bar so I could just hang there, not moving. You would think that would make me feel better about letting go but it didn’t. It took me more than a few moments of just hanging there with my legs placed properly on the bar and my hands hanging on for dear life to finally just let go. And you better believe it was for 1 split second.
While I was up on the bar contemplating if dying during a trapeze class was the way I wanted to go, everyone in the class (including the staff) was encouraging me to just let go. All I could think in my head is ‘ why can’t I let go? I know this is safe, I’m in a harness, above a net, not moving. Children are doing this and I, a 25 year old independent woman cannot let go.” When I finally did let go, I thought I would get a sense of freedom, but all I got was even more terror. I did not like it and I wanted to be back on the ground, on my own two feet ASAP.
As I was watching Loop Look do an amazing job at doing all sorts of tricks on the trapeze bar, I was talking to her husband about how I really thought I would love trapeze and the flying feeling. But what I soon realized was that I am a free spirit- in social situations, not physical. When it comes to social situations, I thrive, I let myself go because I know I’m a boss at it. I love being around people and love that I can just let myself go. When it comes to physical situations however, I clam up and can’t let go.
I guess your body never fails to surprise you. Though I didn’t love trapeze, I’m 100% happy I did it. I feel like I left understanding something new about myself and I’m still trying to figure out and reflect upon what happened to me on that bar. Why couldn’t I just let go? And even after I let go a few times, it never got any easier. Each time I got to the point where my hands were supposed to let go of the bar, it took me a minute or so to muster up the courage and I wanted to be down right away.
I guess that’s the beauty of trying new things and being out of your comfort zone- you never know what you’re going to learn about yourself. I will however go back to trapeze- to watch Loop Looks of course. I think it’s safe to say, my time on the trapeze bar is over, but I am looking forward to watching my friend make progress in something I find too much. But that too is why I love having friends like Loop Looks- they push me to try things I never would imagine doing. So thank you Trapeze School and Loop Looks for an interesting evening!
Oh and you better believe that when I did let go, a victory dance happened.
That’s all the nonsense I have for now!
Any similar experiences??