So I don’t have a good track record of acting cool when I see/meet celebrities. I typically start sweating, turn red and lose the ability to speak and/or move. Despite who it is, my body essentially shuts down – which is very attractive.
This of course was the case when I saw my number 1 man of all time on Friday:
OMGIKNOW! Now Marky Mark has been my #1 for a very very long time so seeing him IN REAL LIFE just sent me on a roller coaster of weirdness.
Picture it: I’m walking home with 45 bags of various things from Target, Nordstrom Rack and DSW. I should also note that I was in a foul mood because of a stupid loafer incident (I purchased two of basically the same pair and couldn’t decide on the two. My life is hard, I know). I’m walking past the Trump Tower and I see one of those groups of guys trying to sell their music on the street.
Crap, I’m the only person on the street and I don’t want to buy their music (I’m easy to guilt). At this point all I’m thinking about is a good excuse as to why I don’t want to support their creativity until I hear the most beautiful words ever to be spoken come out of one of their mouths:
“HEY MARKY MARK”
Could be it….no it can’t… HOLY SHIT MARK WAHLBERG IS RIGHT THERE.
I stop that second to stare. The sweating begins and so does my inability to think straight.
WHAT DO I DO?
DO I GO JUMP & HUMP HIM?
Am I going to die soon now that my dream has finally come true?
Should I go tell him I’ve carved MARK 4 EVA on my chest?
What if he asks to see it and then he would know I’m a liar because it’s not actually on my chest…
And he goes to church everyday so I bet he hates liars.
Lying is never a good start to a relationship.
I should have really carved that into my chest when I had the chance because it would have come in handy right now.
OK, so what if I go with I’ve always wanted to carve that on my chest?
That’s still pretty weird too, I wouldn’t like if someone came up to me and told me they carved KELSEY 4 EVA in their chest.
Well, If I were a huge star like Mark Wahlberg and I did it in a movie then maybe I would like it.
Now that I’m thinking about it, why hasn’t Max ever thought of doing that? Does he not love me as much as Mark loved that girl in FEAR?
OK, probably not. I’m definitely going to try and stay away from any talk about carving his name onto my body.
But now I’m thinking about it and what if it accidentally comes out.
Maybe he would find it charming. Maybe he’s into weird girls.
Man, he really is REALLY short.
Would it be easier for me to sit if we make-out?
Although sitting might emasculate him so maybe I’ll just bend down or lean against a wall to make-out with him?
OMG he really does have an entourage.
Why are they all dressed the exact same?
Why don’t my friends and I dress the same?
Wait, are they all getting into an Escalade with spinning rims?
This is just like Entourage! I’m seeing Entourage in real life!
I wish I actually liked that show.
I wonder if it’s on Netflix.
Maybe I’ll watch it when I’m done with Pretty Little Liars.
But I sorta want to watch One Tree Hill.
Ok if it’s on Netflix, I’m going to watch it next because I can appreciate it since I’ve seen it in real life now and all.
OMG I’m watching Marky Mark’s real life entourage!
And that’s when I realized I lost my chance to go actually touch his body because he was getting into his Escalade with his entourage.
Of course when I got home, I threw my bags and started screaming to Max, OMG I SAW MARK WAHLBERG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also forgot to mention I may or may not have busted in on his shower to scream like a 14 year old girl about another man. And I may have also talked nonstop about him the rest of the evening. And I even may have kept saying on repeat to Max when we got into bed that night “OMG MARK WAHLBERG IS SLEEPING IN THE BUILDING RIGHT NEXT DOOR! DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS I’M HERE TOO??” (Which of course he totes knew.)
And that’s when Max
broke up with me realized he loved me more than ever because he was about to lose to me Marky Mark and had to fight for my love. That my friends, is how you keep the romance alive.
That’s all the nonsense I have for now!
Tell me about a celeb siting you’ve had!