Archive for the ‘Nonsense’ Category
Tuesday, October 15th, 2013
If you know me or have read my blog at all, you know I’m a bit obsessed with boy bands….an obsession that borders on unhealthy really. Having grown up in the best boy band musical era ever, I am appalled with myself for never going to a Hanson concert before the age of 26. Shame on me.
Growing up you know BSB was my number 1 and they got all my attention. And let’s be honest, Hanson wasn’t nearly as cute as them back then. But now…people….now, the Hanson brothers have got IT going on. And I had to have a slice of Taylor Hanson pie.
As I was standing there on the floor chatting with Katie and Linds, all of a sudden I hear half of the venue start screaming. We turn and see Taylor Hanson approaching the bar on the far left side and stop to chat.
Considering we were on the other side of the venue closer to another bar, I didn’t want to take any chances and head over to the other side in case another Hanson brother came to our side bar! I mean there are three of them and the venue had three bars, my math was clearly spot on. Except after 20 minutes it was just Taylor still at the far bar.
Boy band mode kicked in. I pushed myself through the crowd and got up to closer to Taylor. At this point there was a crowd of girls screaming and jumping trying to get his attention but no spot for me to wiggle my way in. I was determined that nothing was going to stop me from touching Taylor.
There will be blood.
Being tall comes in handy at times like this. Pushing, elbowing, kicking, and thrusting hard were all made possible by my lanky arms and legs. Never have I ever been so thankful to my dad for giving me the genes to be an Amazon woman. I pushed my way up to the front and was directly behind Taylor. Behind his sweet cutie patootie butt.
Can I touch him?
Would I get arrested if I grabbed his butt?
What if I just poked it?
Surely he’s used to this, he’s in a boy-band after all.
He would probably like it.
Doesn’t being in a boy band come with groping territory?
OK I’m not going to grab his butt because if he turns around and see’s it was a 26 year old woman he might not be too cool with that.
Or maybe he would be into that…
I mean he’s married with like 403 children so he probably would appreciate if I grabbed his tush.
Taylor turns halfway around. I don’t know what to do so I immediately grab his elbow with all my might….and didn’t let go until he agreed to take a picture with me. Which was at least two minutes later. So for two full minutes, I had a death-grip on Taylor Hanson’s elbow while screaming TAYLOR I NEED A PICTURE WITH YOU, TAYLOR TAKE A PICTURE WITH ME. TAYYYYLORRR!!!
Finally he turned around, I shoved my phone at the first girl I saw behind me which probably wasn’t the best idea considering I was practically sitting in her lap and screamed TAKE OUR PICTURE!!! Taylor placed one of his hands on my side, smiled and we took the most magical picture ever taken in the history of human existence:
He bends down and whispers in my ear:
‘Hey girl, meet me after the show. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen”
But Taylor, you’re married!
“I need you in my life.”
OK, we can make this work. I love you too Taylor.
Except that entire conversation happened in my head while I was creepily rubbing his entire arm until he managed to get away from me.
And that is how I almost got arrested for groping Taylor Hanson. If I could go back and do it again, I totes would of grabbed that Hanson tush of his!
So not only did I get one picture with Taylor, but I was also in multiple others with him and other people due to my death-grip on the man. I’m sure he’s looking at my hand lovingly in all those pictures.
The rest of the evening was freaking awesome. So much better than I ever imagined. I can’t even begin to explain just how…..sexy the Hanson brothers are. Their hair people, THEIR HAIR, oh lord that hair. I just wanted to jump on stage and run my fingers through all their hair and do some other things to them I probably shouldn’t publish on the Internet. No longer do these men have those gross little girl haircuts. Now they have beautiful hair that when you look at it, makes you realize everything in life is going to be OK.
Hanson, my friends and a little action from Taylor Hanson = best night ever. Hanson Heaven is where I want to spend the rest of my life.
That’s all the nonsense I have for now!
Monday, September 30th, 2013
So I don’t have a good track record of acting cool when I see/meet celebrities. I typically start sweating, turn red and lose the ability to speak and/or move. Despite who it is, my body essentially shuts down – which is very attractive.
This of course was the case when I saw my number 1 man of all time on Friday:
OMGIKNOW! Now Marky Mark has been my #1 for a very very long time so seeing him IN REAL LIFE just sent me on a roller coaster of weirdness.
Picture it: I’m walking home with 45 bags of various things from Target, Nordstrom Rack and DSW. I should also note that I was in a foul mood because of a stupid loafer incident (I purchased two of basically the same pair and couldn’t decide on the two. My life is hard, I know). I’m walking past the Trump Tower and I see one of those groups of guys trying to sell their music on the street.
Crap, I’m the only person on the street and I don’t want to buy their music (I’m easy to guilt). At this point all I’m thinking about is a good excuse as to why I don’t want to support their creativity until I hear the most beautiful words ever to be spoken come out of one of their mouths:
“HEY MARKY MARK”
Could be it….no it can’t… HOLY SHIT MARK WAHLBERG IS RIGHT THERE.
I stop that second to stare. The sweating begins and so does my inability to think straight.
WHAT DO I DO?
DO I GO JUMP & HUMP HIM?
Am I going to die soon now that my dream has finally come true?
Should I go tell him I’ve carved MARK 4 EVA on my chest?
What if he asks to see it and then he would know I’m a liar because it’s not actually on my chest…
And he goes to church everyday so I bet he hates liars.
Lying is never a good start to a relationship.
I should have really carved that into my chest when I had the chance because it would have come in handy right now.
OK, so what if I go with I’ve always wanted to carve that on my chest?
That’s still pretty weird too, I wouldn’t like if someone came up to me and told me they carved KELSEY 4 EVA in their chest.
Well, If I were a huge star like Mark Wahlberg and I did it in a movie then maybe I would like it.
Now that I’m thinking about it, why hasn’t Max ever thought of doing that? Does he not love me as much as Mark loved that girl in FEAR?
OK, probably not. I’m definitely going to try and stay away from any talk about carving his name onto my body.
But now I’m thinking about it and what if it accidentally comes out.
Maybe he would find it charming. Maybe he’s into weird girls.
Man, he really is REALLY short.
Would it be easier for me to sit if we make-out?
Although sitting might emasculate him so maybe I’ll just bend down or lean against a wall to make-out with him?
OMG he really does have an entourage.
Why are they all dressed the exact same?
Why don’t my friends and I dress the same?
Wait, are they all getting into an Escalade with spinning rims?
This is just like Entourage! I’m seeing Entourage in real life!
I wish I actually liked that show.
I wonder if it’s on Netflix.
Maybe I’ll watch it when I’m done with Pretty Little Liars.
But I sorta want to watch One Tree Hill.
Ok if it’s on Netflix, I’m going to watch it next because I can appreciate it since I’ve seen it in real life now and all.
OMG I’m watching Marky Mark’s real life entourage!
And that’s when I realized I lost my chance to go actually touch his body because he was getting into his Escalade with his entourage.
Of course when I got home, I threw my bags and started screaming to Max, OMG I SAW MARK WAHLBERG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also forgot to mention I may or may not have busted in on his shower to scream like a 14 year old girl about another man. And I may have also talked nonstop about him the rest of the evening. And I even may have kept saying on repeat to Max when we got into bed that night “OMG MARK WAHLBERG IS SLEEPING IN THE BUILDING RIGHT NEXT DOOR! DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS I’M HERE TOO??” (Which of course he totes knew.)
And that’s when Max
broke up with me realized he loved me more than ever because he was about to lose to me Marky Mark and had to fight for my love. That my friends, is how you keep the romance alive.
That’s all the nonsense I have for now!
Tell me about a celeb siting you’ve had!
Tuesday, September 17th, 2013
Man you people are so nice. And know how to stroke my ego…
So in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been MIA. I haven’t felt like blogging-at all. The mere thought of it seemed like work to me and this stupid blog is supposed to be fun! You know,to sorta make you laugh
but most importantly to make myself laugh and remind myself of just how funny I am. I’ve just felt so….lost…
Honestly, I don’t know what to do with this thing. Some days I just don’t care; I figure I’ll leave it up in case I feel like blogging about something random. Other days I just want to delete it or make it private because I just don’t want to deal with it.
But then you guys send me a nice email telling me you miss me or comment something nice like “WHERE DID YOU GO A-HOLE??” and I’m all like “peeps actually care about the stupid ramblings in my head!”
Plus I have approximately 39203 creepy/weird/funny gifs that I have been dying to share with you. And just my weird random thoughts, because as you know, I’m a huge weirdo.
So my plan here is to blog when I feel like it and continue to be your one-stop shop for the super creepy crap I find on reddit. I have no clue how often that will be but I’m going to tryyyyyyyyyyy. And of course I would like it to remain a place that you can visit to make you feel good about yourself because after reading what goes on in my busted brain you can think “hey at least I’m not her!”
That’s all the nonsense I have for now!
Monday, July 29th, 2013
1. JT came to spend the weekend with me! He was in town for a conference so he decided to stay the weekend and hang out with his favorite daughter. We had so much fun! The most fun part was exploring his hotel…he was staying at the Congress Plaza Hotel which is known for being haunted. Naturally that meant we had to sneak around at night and go in doors we weren’t supposed to (that weren’t even locked). How creepy is this hallway we found?
2. On Saturday we went to the Randolph Street Market and spent a good 4+ hours there. My dad and I used to love to go browse the antique stores when I was little so this was a perfect activity for us. PartyDog was bored after about 16 minutes but he was a trooper and didn’t break up with me even after I spent 45 minutes trying to convince a vendor to sell me one chair that was in a set of four. (Sadly I did not purchase it, which I’m still depressed about.) To my surprise however, after we got back from dropping JT off at the airport to fly home, I found a little prezzie from him! A ring I had been drooling over the entire time we were there! Thanks JT!
I think I love it so much because it reminds of a horcrux from Harry Potter.
3. Before I move on from JT, check out this fabulous picture we took together:
Let’s take a closer look shall we?
I wish creeper were in all my pictures. I love it. So much.
4. I got a lot of hair chopped off:
Anyone else feel as weird about that picture as I do?
5. I’ve become obsessed with making jorts every since Loop Looks taught me how. So many of my jeans and capris have been turned into jorts…
The best part is they don’t ride up like most jean shorts do. It’s about the only DIY project I’m capable of doing.
6. I went to one of my favorite used book stores (Open Books) the other day to get our latest book club book. My intentions were just to get that one book but….2.5 hours later I walked out with this handful (plus a book not pictured for a friend’s birthday!):
7. We are still in the midst of redecorating our apartment. Still missing: accent chair, coffee table and most importantly, an end table. I got so annoyed yesterday that I didn’t have a place to put my tea that I made an interim beautiful end table with my own two hands:
At least it now justifies having so many books.
8. FRIDAY I WILL BE REUNITED WITH MY TWO LOVES!
That’s all the nonsense I have for now!
Tell me something going on with you!